Fair Weather Friends

I have this friend; we are really close. I mean, sort of. When we are together, we are like peanut butter and jelly. Our energies feed off of each other to such a degree, that we talk for hours, sharing the most intimate aspects of our lives. Ourthoughts, our dreams, our fears, our struggles. We will go through these amazing periods of close intimate friendship, and then she will just fall off the face of the earth. I'll call, and text and even instant message with no response from her. By the 4th or 5th attempt, I'm usually pretty annoyed, shaking my head and thinking to myself, " I fell for it again." It's at that point that I usually vow never to speak to her again. (I know, I'm immature.) Within 2 to 3 days of my boycott, she always turns up with syrupy sweet words that bring me right back to that place of closeness with her. It's like a shampoo cycle - lather, rinse, repeat.



I was recently feeling some kind of way about this fickle relationship and began talking to the Lord about it, when I struck me. The rhythm of this relationship was much like the rhythm of my relationship with God. God knows I love him, just like I know in my heart of hearts my friend loves and enjoys me, but for the most part, its always on my terms. When I feel like putting in the time, I spend hours and days in His presence, but when something more engaging is going on, I, like my friend, get too busy for the briefest of chats. My revelation was two fold. 1. I'd been compromising my intimacy with God, by being a fair weather friend to Him. I'd essentially been denying Him the intimacy and relationship God delights to be in with his children. I somehow believed that because the moments we did spend together were such highs that it proved my love and adoration. However, in light of the feelings of abandonment and frustration I was now feeling with my friend, I realize that the intensity and fervor of the highs magnify my consistently occasional absence all the more. After feeling like an afterthought long enough, you begin to question the sincerity and authenticity of relationships that are so one sided. Could God think the same?



Which brings me to the 2nd realization... Hallelujah to his name, God's ways are not our ways. In the midst of our unfaithfulness, he is still faithful. While God might desire a greater relationship for us, and desire to spend that intimate time with us daily, our lack faithfulness NEVER compromises his love for us, He loves us as much on the day that we spend our whole day in prayer and meditation with Him, as on the day we neglect to even bow and bless our food. Great is his faithfulness! He does not deal with us according to our sins, but delights in showing us mercy. How awesome is that?

Still I don't want to use God for my highs and then leave him desiring more, like my friend does me. I don't want to be in relationship with Him on my own terms. I don't want to take advantage of his mercies even if they are new everyday. I want this thing called worship to be for real, a 24 hour seven days a week, participation in the presence of God... even when its hard. I want his presence to be my meat, my delight, my joy, my best thing. But that can only happen if he makes me over. So God, here's my heart. Refashion, rearrange me for your good pleasure, so that there is nothing I desire more than YOU.

Oh and by the way, I'm taking a page out of God's book on love and loving my friend where she's at. No matter her fickleness, I love her, and I am going to be there for her. I'll be her peanut butter, even if she is not quite ready to be my jelly. Maybe my friendship will teach her how to be a friend, just like God's friendship taught me.

Ever Higher!
CB